Quite often my work with clients in counseling focuses on friendship. Friendships are an important piece of well-being, work-life balance and add so much to a sense of belonging. I hear frequently in my counseling office about the loneliness clients feel and the difficulty they have making friends as adults. School and college made friendships more accessible and there was quite a big pool to choose from when looking for friends. As adults, the pool is much smaller and sometimes really hard to find! Many adults are working from home or own their own businesses which can be quite isolating...
Many of us feel not good enough, unworthy of love or invaluable. I work with many clients in therapy that struggle with self-confidence, self-esteem, or self-worth. For those clients who desire Christian Counseling, we dig to the core of it all. We are worthy of love and valuable because of who loved us first. We were created, knit together in our mother's womb by our Creator. When we try to base our worth on our works, things we do, we will always fall short...
Work can be a big part of our lives. Sometimes it fits nicely into the box of a set number of hours and other times it invades much more of our life. There's an elusive work-life balance that many of us strive to achieve but somehow seems to evade our grasp! Many clients come to counseling describing the stress they feel at work or the stress they feel at home about work. Work seems to invade all their free time and intrude in relationships they value. This can cause tension, stress and conflict...
I work with many clients who have introverted personalities and struggle to accept their introversion. They feel guilty that they don't want to be around friends or family all the time. Or they feel like something is wrong with them because they need alone time to recharge. Extroverted personalities recharge by being with others; time spent together is energizing to extroverts. Introverts gain energy from being alone or doing hobbies they love by themselves; time spent with others is draining to them...
My office is very close to North Carolina State University, William Peace University and Meredith College. I love working with college students to achieve the goals they desire accomplished. Many are simply trying to figure out how to adjust well to college life, how to handle being away from home for the first time and how to deal with all the new stress that comes with such a big change. Some are experiencing anxiety and panic for the first time in their lives and others are trying to figure out how to make friends and balance their academic and social lives..
I work with many spouses who are currently separated. They are reaching out for support and guidance during a turbulent and emotional time. For clients who are Christians and desire their faith incorporated into counseling, we discuss culture's view of separation and what the Bible says about marriage. Our culture says that if you are separated, the marriage is basically over. Don't work on the marriage, start dating and "live your life." However, separation isn't fully the same as divorce...
Conflict happens and it happens to us all. We are all broken people so we will mess up; we will hurt each other. But what matters is how we handle it. Do we address and resolve the problem or do we shutdown and run from the issue? We all are responsible for our part in conflict in our relationships. Couples that come for counseling are often in conflict or are not solving conflict like they'd like. Therapy helps identify unproductive patterns in conflict resolution and create new, healthy patterns...
Parenting teens is difficult but discipline doesn't have to be such a stressor. Parents I meet with for counseling are often exhausted, frustrated and feeling like they can't reach their teen. Sometimes the teen is disobedient, rebelling and disrespectful. I work with the parents to create a predictable and consistent discipline plan that is easily enforceable. A necessary first step is to create a list of basic home rules; type them up and go over them with your teen...
Many clients I see in counseling have difficulty with their emotions. Sometimes it's difficulty identifying what they are feeling. Other times they do not know what to do with what they feel. Other clients struggle to allow themselves to feel how they are feeling deep down. Emotions are important. They help us to experience connection with others. They help us understand others and help others understand us...
The holidays can be a time of celebration, nostalgia and connection for some. For others this time of year evokes dread, ache and loneliness. Emotions can be heightened and tense. Whether it's due to increased family time or the lack thereof, this can be a difficult time of year. There's often more "stuff" in general on everyone's plates: holiday parties, family events, holiday shopping, decorating...
I am frequently asked if I will do marriage counseling with only one spouse present. Sometimes it's because the other spouse isn't willing to attend. Other times one spouse needs to share things first in order to be able to share in a healthy way in front of their spouse. While the actual nature of the therapy is individual because I'm only meeting with one spouse, the goal and focus of the counseling is marital...
Often clients who come to counseling are thinking in ways they didn't realize. As they share in therapy what they are going through or how they are struggling, a list of "should's" starts to make itself known. "I should be married by now." "I shouldn't be so upset." "I should be stronger than this." In all kinds of areas these "should's" appear: emotions, relationships, career, confidence. We work to identify the should-statements and address them...
Many women I see for therapy have experienced a miscarriage. That loss may not be the reason they present for therapy but in discussing their history they share a single miscarriage or several miscarriages. Maybe times they breeze past it quickly in their history-sharing and note that they never really grieved. Miscarriage is a loss that oftentimes goes unnoticed by others. Our society tends to...
A lot of my counseling work is with teenage girls and their families. Parents want the best for their girls; they want them to be safe and successful in life. Many family therapy sessions are spent discussing healthy boundaries, choices and disciplines. Our culture is scary. There is a lot out there screaming at teen girls to look a certain way, behave a certain way and try certain things or else they won't be loved...
Many clients I work with struggle with fear. Many fear what could happen, what might happen. Their thoughts spin with "What if's". These fear-based thoughts often lead to avoiding certain people or situations. Fear keeps them from changing jobs, seeking healthy relationships or going to medical professionals among other things. In counseling we discuss slowing down to identify, assess and analyze the thoughts which often leads to the realization that most of the thoughts are irrational...
Many of the couples I work with in couples therapy or marriage counseling struggle to communicate well. Communication is hard and can be confusing, draining and frustrating if not done effectively. Slowing down can help tremendously. Often we're thinking about what we want to say next while our partner is talking. In doing this, we are not truly listening. We've already left that step...
Our culture is pretty busy, pretty rushed and often too serious. Play is not encouraged. Whether it's getting on the floor and playing with your kids or getting outside and playing with a friend or significant other, playtime is great for the soul. It's great to get away from our daily demands and laugh, to tap into that child-like part of ourselves that we don't see often. This can elevate mood as well as increase connection in relationships...
Many of my clients are suffering through. They feel burdened, beat up, held down. Be it under depression's clouds or a situation they are living, they are suffering. Google says that to suffer is to be subjected to or experience something bad or unpleasant. Some have lost loved ones or children, some have been left by a loved one, some hope daily to come up out of the mire of depression...
A bulk of my counseling work with clients is on the topic of fear and anxiety. So many people live anxious, nervous and consumed with fear or worry. It's hard to enjoy life and feel confident when fear is eating you alive. One thing we discuss often in therapy is how we are perceiving threats. If I'm looking at a situation and thinking "This situation is dreadful. It's going to overwhelm me and I'm not going to be OK.", my anxiety is going to be quite high. On the contrary if I think to myself...
I work with many clients who have been through things in their childhood or recent past that were very painful - things they want to forget. For some it's a loss, a trauma, abuse or divorce that they are desperately wanting to let go of or forget entirely. For others it may be something they witnessed or experienced that haunts them in nightmares or flashbacks. Counseling provides a safe setting to process through...
