Face-time vs. Facebook

Face-time: the act of spending intentional, relational time with another face to face (definition/word-use is mine for the purpose of this post and not to be confused with the Apple product FaceTime). Often when I'm out, I notice how people are together doing something (coffee, lunch, dinner, etc) but aren't really being together; their face-time is minimal. They are typically both on their phones - perhaps texting or checking Facebook or maybe posting something on Twitter. Sometimes I just watch (non-stalker-like) to see how long they go without talking to each other...sometimes it's a long time! As a counselor, a lot of my job focuses on helping clients have stronger, healthier, deeper relationships - with themselves and with others. I wonder what role technology and social media has on decreasing our awareness of ourselves as well as decreasing the quality of our relationships. Many of the teenagers I see for counseling have a lot of difficulty telling their peers things in person; they are much more comfortable sharing via text or Facebook. What does this say about future generations' abilities to form and deepen relationships as our society becomes more dependent on technology? Where has all the face-time gone? People have become so accustomed to spending time with their phones rather than engaging in face-time conversations; when there is a lull in conversation, rather than thinking of something else to ask or share, they grab their phone and start browsing around. Technology and social media seem to have become quite a crutch; Facebook is much less risky and vulnerable than face-time. Rather than journal and increase awareness of personal thoughts and feelings, people turn to their email, Facebook, blogs or Twitter. Rather than dialogue and intentionally get to know someone better or resolve issues in relationship, people distract themselves with their technology or social media; in essence they avoid or delay relationship/face-time. What impact would individuals experience if they took the first 30 minutes of every day to think, pray, journal, read and did it without any technology? I wonder what would happen if friends made a commitment to sit at lunch or coffee and put their phones away completely; turn them on silent and put them away (totally unseen and don't check them)! What would happen if families had a technology-free time each day or each week where they focused on their relationships without any technology distractions? What impact might couples feel on weekly date nights if technology wasn't allowed? Would people talk to each other more, face the discomfort more, or become more aware of their thoughts and feelings? Would we learn more things to share about ourselves or think of more questions to ask others? There are links to helpful conversation-starters on my blog here and here if you want to have these printed out before hanging out! :) Is there a relationship in your life that could use more technology-free time? The benefits from focused relational face-time would likely far surpass any semi-interesting fact you might miss on Facebook!

Grief...a long process

Grief is a long process. It is not something to be dealt with in a few short months or solved in a mere 6 sessions of counseling. Even years after a significant loss, you may still find yourself at times moved with emotion or tears thinking about your lost loved one. I hear many clients in grief counseling ask questions like, "how long will I feel this sad?", "how long will I grieve?", or "should I still be feeling this upset?". Grief does not work on a time table. It looks different for every person and every loss. Loss and sadness will linger and perhaps for quite some time after a significant loss. Anger and confusion may linger as well. It is difficult to feel the emotions and the void for so long; we want the pain to go away, or at least to lessen. And over time it does, but we often want to rush that process and experience the lessening of pain now. Grief says not yet. The process of grieving and healing is important and it's also important to allow our grief to have it's own time frame. It is healthy to experience it each day as it is, validating the grieving emotions and going forward with the day. It's important to maintain a daily routine and not to wallow too long in the grieving emotions but it's also important to experience the pain and to express the grief. The less we rush ourselves through the process of grieving and the less we pressure ourselves to "get over" the loss, the more we will experience healing as we grieve. Settle in for the process. Know it will take time and fight the urge to define how long that time may take. Allow yourself to feel your grief each day, as many times a day as you need, and then shift back to what you were doing in your day. If you find that in your grief you feel stuck or unable to shift from grieving to your daily tasks, engaging in some grief counseling might be helpful for you. 

2012 Best of the Triangle

Thanks for much to all who voted for the 2012 Best of the Triangle! I'm so honored to have been named Best Therapist again this year! Wow, what a privilege it is for me to be allowed into others' lives and hearts and to walk with them through such difficult journeys in the process of counseling. It's such an honor for me! Here are the winners of the 2012 Best of the Triangle in media, goods, music & clubs, out & about, services, and wine & dine for the Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill areas. Here is where you can pick up a copy of this week's edition of The Independent; it's a great edition to keep on your coffee table to help spur date night ideas or family outing ideas!! I love browsing this edition throughout the year when I'm looking for somewhere new to shop or eat, or a new place to adventure to, as well as when I need practical things like a tailor! I encourage you to look through these winners and finalists when you are looking for somewhere new to shop, explore, eat or for services to use. We use them for all kinds of things and have never been let down! It's how we found our plumber in a pinch and he worked out great! Thanks again for voting and have fun perusing all the winners and finalists!

Slow Down & De-Stress!

We live in a busy, fast-paced society. Information is coming at us in so many different ways all the time: phone calls, emails, texts, and the many social media sites. And let's not forget face to face communication either! It's no wonder so many people experience a great deal of stress. In addition to receiving so much information at a fast pace, we also all wear many hats; some of us are not only individuals, but we're also spouses, friends, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, employees, bosses, etc. There's a great deal of responsibility on our plates in addition to all the information we're constantly fielding. There never seems to be enough vacation, weekends aren't nearly long enough and holidays don't seem to come often enough nor are they ever as relaxing as we'd like. In our counseling sessions, I encourage my stressed out and anxious clients to take a look at the amount of information they are receiving (and sending) as well as the pace of their schedules. We could all stand to slow down a little bit, to take more time for rest, vacation and relaxation (even if it's just an hour or a day). Perhaps there are things in your life that can stand to be put on hold for a while. Or maybe you don't have to check your email or phone so many times per day. Give your mind some time to relax, some time that information isn't screaming at it! Take time each day and some extended time each week to just relax. Maybe that looks like getting outside and enjoying the weather, maybe it looks like reading a fun book or wandering through a museum. Perhaps it's taking in a movie or sitting by the pool. Leave the phone somewhere else or turn it on silent (if you think you can refuses checking it every few minutes!!). Do something that calms you and rejuvenates you; doing these things helps to lower your stress levels. Maybe you'll find there are things in your daily or weekly schedule that can be cut out altogether so that you can have a healthier paced lifestyle. Maybe you'll find that your current schedule is just fine but by adding in some down time each day and each week, you'll de-stress better! Either way, take some time to slow down and reflect! If you are looking for some more ideas of quick ways to de-stress, read this brief article here from CNN Health. 

Too Attached??

I have worked with so many clients in counseling who have formed unhealthy attachments with people in their lives. Perhaps they are too dependent on someone else for their worth, value or stability. Or sometimes they find their worth, value and stability from allowing someone else to be too dependent upon them. Either way, it's unhealthy for these clients and they work to learn how to detach from these relationships and to then have healthy attachments. We were made for relationships (including significant others and friendships). However, we are all messy people and things can get unhealthy pretty quickly in relationships. Once unhealthy attachments are formed, it can be really tough to let them go and learn to be healthy in relationship. Jade Mazarin, a friend of mine from graduate school, has written a couple of posts about how to let go of unhealthy attachments (she's referencing more than just unhealthy relationships). Take a look at part 1 and part 2 of her posts "How to let go of unhealthy attachments"! She has also written a book, "The Heart's Journey to Freedom", for women who have unhealthy attachments with men; here is where you can read more about it and buy the book!

Winning & Losing in Marriage

Here is a great blog post by another therapist about marriage. It is a great take on winning and losing in marriage and what great marriages can be if we choose to lose most in the marriage (serve each other). Our American culture says to go after things we want, they should "serve" us. If our technology fails us, we throw it out and get a new model. We typically do the same with our cars. But Biblically speaking we are called to be servants to each other, to stick with each other in marriage even when our spouse isn't "doing" what we want and need. Mark 10 says, "⁴³ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Jesus is calling us to serve one another using His example. If we are demanding that our spouse serve us and meet all our expectations, marriage isn't going to work well! But if we aim to live in our marriage by serving, loving, encouraging, and supporting our spouse, we will be following in Christ's example. I encourage you to take a look at this post!

Thoughts & Feelings

In working with clients who experience anxiety and depression, I spend a lot of the counseling time discussing the thought and feeling connection. There's a myth out there that we can't control our feelings...that's wrong! We can, to a great degree, control our feelings. It starts with being aware of our thoughts and then taking steps to retrain and redirect our thoughts. We can easily get ourselves into bad thought habits such as negative thinking, catastrophizing, ignoring the positive, etc. Once we allow ourselves to think that way for quite some time, our brain begins to automatically go there. It takes time and deliberate effort to retrain our minds. But it is very possible! I watch clients achieve this successfully quite often through counseling. It takes them a little bit of time to learn the skill but when they do, they find they experience less stress, anxiety and depression. They start by increasing their awareness of all their thoughts. This can be done by keeping a thought log: each day at least 3 times per day, sit down and write what you are thinking (no filter, just write or type) for about 15 minutes. Do this every day for about a week and you'll start to notice some patterns of thinking as you look back over your thought log. The next step is to begin challenging those unhealthy or irrational thoughts with healthy. rational alternatives. To do this take time every day to write down some of your unhealthy, negative or irrational thoughts. Then take some deep breaths or a short break if you need to. When you come back to the page, draw a line and then write some positive, rational alternatives. Practice saying those more healthy thoughts to yourself multiple times per day. Eventually your brain will learn to bring up the positive, rational thoughts more often than the negative, irrational ones! If you find this difficult, seeing a therapist can be helpful to guide you through this process. Changing your thoughts will impact your feelings. Thoughts impact feelings so learning to change your thoughts will help to change your feelings!

Sleep is Important!

Getting a good night's rest on a regular basis is so important to good mental health. Our bodies need that time to rejuvenate, heal and recover. Having a regular bed time and wake time is important to managing anxiety, stress and depression effectively. We are putting ourselves at a disadvantage when we get varying amounts of sleep each night. Getting on average 8 hours of sleep per night is important to a stable mood. In talking with clients I'm seeing for counseling, I encourage them to have a bed time around the same time every night (within an hour) and a regular wake time each morning too (again, within an hour). Some people require more or less amounts of sleep than others. I know clients who function well on 7 hours of sleep per night; I also have clients though that need 9 hours of sleep to be at their best each day. The important piece here is figuring out what your body needs and then making sure to provide that for yourself on a regular basis. If you are a night owl who functions well on 8 hours of sleep, you could set your bed time for midnight and your wake time for 8am. Don't sleep in much past 9am and don't go to sleep much past 1am. Otherwise, you are basically putting your body through jet lag! Having a daily routine like this of getting up and going to bed around the same time each day can greatly help to stabilize mood, as well as manage stress and anxiety. 

Good Mental Health Needs Exercise & Nutrition

Taking care of your physical body is such an important part of taking care of your mental health; I talk about this quite often with the clients I see for counseling. Our bodies, minds and souls are all connected; we are a whole human being. The different parts of ourselves all impact and influence the other parts. If I'm not taking care of myself emotionally, at some point that will manifest itself in some way in my physical body. However, if I'm taking care of my physical body, then my mind and emotions have a better potential for being healthy as well. Healthy nutrition and exercise are such important pieces of good mental health. Exercise releases chemicals in the brain that help us actually "feel" better; this is just one great benefit of regular exercise. A healthy, well-balanced diet is essential to great mental health as well. Eating junk and not getting enough vitamins and nutrients our bodies need causes things to run more sluggish inside our bodies and minds. There are great ways to be healthy, inside and out. I love going to the Farmer's Market (they are open 7 days per week) and stocking up on fresh, local fruits and vegetables for the week. I really enjoy supporting local farmers and eating what is in season and knowing I'm also giving my body some of the vitamins and nutrients it needs to function as it is designed! For those of us that work, live and play in Downtown Raleigh, there is a great farmer's market there too in City Plaza on Fayetteville Street on Wednesdays from April-October. Exercise can be fun as well and really helps boost mood and take care of our bodies. Grab a buddy (or just some headphones) and head to Lake Johnson; it's a gorgeous place to walk or run! Try incorporating some healthy eating and exercise into your weekly routine. It can be hard to implement new changes but they are so well worth the effort!

Healthy Giving & Receiving in Relationships

I meet with many clients for individual counseling, family or couples counseling who have difficulty in their relationships. One thing that often comes up is the role of give and take (I prefer to call it giving and receiving) in relationships. Some clients struggle with giving; selfishness comes easy to us humans and we often want it all and now! In those relationships, clients learn to give more, be more available, create space for the other in their relationship to enter, actively listen to the other and sacrifice their wants at times for the desires of the other in the relationship. However many clients I see give too much; they receive very little from the other in their relationship. They are always sacrificing, giving, listening, yielding to the desires of the other. In those cases, we work on clients becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable, assertive, asking for their desires and sharing about themselves. As with most things, a healthy balance is best. We do need to be giving and sacrificing in our relationships; as Christians we are called to that kind of love and sacrifice. However, a healthy relationship also allows us to receive love from others, receive their sacrifices of love for us in order to have a balanced relationship; to love and be loved, to know and be known, that is a healthy relational goal. This is a delicate dance but one that is rewarding to figure out in your relationships. Dialogue with your friends, family or significant other about the ways you see yourselves giving and receiving in the relationships. We can learn so much from those kind of intentional discussions. Do you like the amount of giving and receiving you are experiencing? Do they? Are their things you think your relationship could benefit from changing? Does one person need to practice giving more and the other receiving more? Changing roles and patterns in relationships is difficult and takes time. Be patient with yourselves and with each other as you attempt small changes! The end result is so worth it!

Marriage Enrichment Seminar - Raleigh

There is a great upcoming marriage workshop here in Raleigh. I highly recommend these 2 presenters! One of them, Dr. Rosenau, was my professor at Richmont Graduate University for my sex therapy classes! He is a great speaker and very passionate about Biblical sexual intimacy in marriages! The other presenter, Dr. Neel, is a wonderful lady and a sex therapist here in Raleigh! Below is some info on the seminar and contact info in case you and your spouse are interested in signing up!

Covenant Lover’s

One-day Seminar  May 12, 2012

Providence Baptist Church

8am-4:30pm

$40/couple- advance registration

Do you want to create a stronger, more passionate love relationship in your marriage, with a vibrant and mutually enjoyable sex life – to become “lovers” in the true sense of the word?  Join us for a one-day seminar that will help you develop practical and biblical foundational principles for experiencing intimate connecting and satisfying lovemaking within God’s amazing covenant relationship of marriage.   With two nationally recognized experts in the area of Christian sex education and therapy, learn helpful ways to grow your marital love life as you gain insights into the Creator’s grand plan for vibrant sexual intimacy – all in a safe and respectful environment.  This seminar promises to be fun, insightful, practical and biblical, with its basis the book:  A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Doug Rosenau.

You can contact Becky at becky@pray.org or call 919-326-3000 for questions. 

Sharing New Experiences

Looking for something fun and different to do? Bogged down with the same old routine for your fun nights out or date nights? I always encourage clients I see for counseling to try new fun things, to spice up their nights out with family, friends or their significant other by trying a new experience. Sharing a new experience together helps increase connection and gives you something new to converse about together. When we share a fun new experience together, we feel closer and more connected to that person. It creates new memories also. So get out there and try it! Carolina Rollergirls have a double header this Saturday April 14 at Dorton Arena in Raleigh. If you haven't been to see the Rollergirls yet, it's quite the experience and a guaranteed good time! Take your significant other, a group of friends or your family to this exciting event and enjoy sharing a new experience together watching the Rollergirls! 

Great Teen Workbooks

I see a lot of teens and their families for individual and family counseling. The teenagers I see struggle with various issues; some face anxiety, depression, stress, family issues, self injury, self esteem issues, bullying, etc. Many of them are in some serious pain and are looking for an outlet for that pain but do not have healthy coping skills. Some of them have difficult family situations or struggle with being bullied at school. I have found some great resources that I use with many of my teen clients; several of them have had great success using these resources! These workbooks contain short exercises that are geared towards helping teens cope in healthy ways. Stopping the Pain is a workbook for teenagers who cut or self injure. Beyond the Blues is a workbook for teens who experience depression. The Anxiety Workbook for Teens helps teenagers cope with anxiety and worry. Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens teaches teens Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills that can help them manage mood swings, control emotional outbursts and get along with others better. The Stress Reduction Workbook for Teens teaches teenagers mindfulness skills that helps them decrease stress. The Bipolar Workbook for Teens helps teens learn Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills for mood swings they may experience. Think Confident, Be Confident for Teens teaches teenagers Cognitive Therapy skills to increase their self image and improve their self esteem. These workbooks may not be helpful for every teenager but I find many teens respond well to the short lessons they contain!

A Great Resource

A colleague and dear friend of mine, Meredith Stokke, is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in working with clients who experience disordered eating, eating disorders and body image issues. She has a great blog here where she provides lots of useful information, links, articles and encouragement and her website can be found here! If you or someone you know struggles with disordered eating or body image issues, I highly recommend her as a counselor and her blog as a great resource! 

Deep Breathing to Manage Anxiety & Panic

Anxiety and panic escalate when we are not in control of our breathing. Short chest breaths can speed up heart rate making many of the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic also increase. You can reverse this escalation through deep breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing is an important technique discussed when I'm counseling clients who are experiencing anxiety and panic. Typically this breathing technique does not come easily for those who experience frequent anxiety and panic. But this breathing technique can be learned! It just takes some practice and getting used to. Here and here are two links that describe diaphragmatic breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing also helps decrease feelings of stress too! Practice this breathing technique many times when you are not feeling anxiety or panic. I encourage clients to practice it at least once a day when there are little to no symptoms of anxiety or panic present. That will help you be able to use the skill when you areexperiencing the feelings of anxiety or panic. I encourage clients to write the steps down on an index card or on a note in their phone and keep the note with them. That way if feelings of anxiety or panic begin, they can pull out their note and begin the deep breathing to calm down the physical effects of anxiety. This helps you get to a place where you can then begin to challenge your anxious thoughts and manage the anxiety and panic better. If you'd like to know more about that part of managing anxiety and panic you can read a few of my blogs here and here; you can also read this article that has a neat parable linked within it too. Counseling is a great way to learn how to manage anxiety and panic; you don't have to suffer with anxiety and panic!

St. Patrick's Day Parade in Downtown Raleigh

It's St. Patrick's Day this Saturday and there will be a fun parade and festival in Downtown Raleigh to celebrate. Spring is in the air and it's time to come out of hibernation and start enjoying the warmer weather. This parade and festival will be a great way to get outside and do something fun and different with your friends, significant other or your family. Doing fun new things together creates connection and closeness in a unique way. We all tend to get stuck in ruts and do the same thing each week and each weekend or for each date. Break up that routine and try some new things as a family or in your marriage. This creates a new kind of closeness because you are sharing in a new experience together. You're learning new things, seeing new things, doing new things and that allows you to connect in new ways. Plus it's a great way to add some new energy into your relationships. So whether or not you decide to take part in the St' Patty's Day festivities (don't forget to wear green if you do go!), I encourage you to grab your family or your spouse or a good friend and get out there and try something new. It's a great way to deepen your relationships, relieve stress and say goodbye to those winter blues. Enjoy a new experience together and increase your connection to each other as you do something new and different. If you struggle with anxiety, stress or depression and despite the longer days with more sunshine and the warmer weather you are still feeling bad, it might be time to consider counseling. Or if your family or relationship is struggling and though you try new experiences, the relationship is still tense then counseling can be a helpful thing to try.

In the midst of fresh grief...

When you first find out about a loss, your world is turned upside down; you enter into some degree of shock. Things seem blurry and you may feel numb. The loss itself may seem surreal. These are all normal reactions to loss, especially unexpected loss. During this time it's important to take care of the everyday routine things in life: eating healthy meals at normal times, attempting to get your normal amount of sleep, etc. This will help your body and your heart begin to process the difficult loss. It's also important to surround yourself with people who love you and will take time to care for you, people who will take things off your plate and take care of them for you. You may need some time alone also and that is OK as well. It's healthy for you to ask directly for what you need - be it to be surrounded by loved ones or to have time alone. However, isolating yourself isn't healthy during this time. Take one hour at a time and one day at a time. If you already have an established relationship with a therapist, this can be an important time to step back into counseling so they can walk you through the initial grieving. This is a very difficult time but doing these important steps at the beginning of a difficult loss will put you on a path of healthy grieving.

I feel ______ because __________.

Communication is so important in friendships, family relationships and romantic relationships. It's also important in professional relationships. How we communicate says a lot about us and also contributes greatly to how others view us. Healthy communication contributes so much to positive self worth and healthy conflict resolution. Healthy communication can also assist in decreasing stress, anxiety and depression. You don't have to spend long in counseling with me before you learn this tried and true phrase in healthy communication: "I feel (insert feeling word) because (insert reason, situation, etc)." For example, "I feel disappointed because you told me you would take out the trash and didn't follow through". That sounds a whole lot better than, "You didn't take out the trash and I'm so upset." When we start communication with "you", it puts the other on the defense. It typically results in the other person automatically raising their gloves and getting ready to fight. However, when we start communication with "I feel", we are simply sharing our feelings, our perspective, our opinions with another person. That kind of initiation will more often get a positive response than a negative one. Monitor your communication this week when you are interacting with coworkers, friends, family or significant others, especially when it's about something negative or involves elevated emotions. Notice if you tend to start off saying "you" or "I". The "I" statements will more often elicit positive responses from the other than communication started with "you". Practice starting communication with "I feel (insert feeling word) because (insert reason). Here's a brief article that gives emphasizes this point too!

How do I find a Counselor or Therapist?

Oftentimes I speak with people who have never had counseling before and aren't sure what to say or ask; this is completely normal. If I needed electrical services or plumbing services, I'd have no clue who to call or what to ask. It's OK not to know and to admit you don't know what to ask when you are first looking for a counselor. There are some great resources out there to help you find a counselor who will be able to help you with what you are going through. This article is a great start; it explains all the terms like counselor, therapist, psychologist, social worker and psychiatrist. The article gives good explanations of these terms and what services these professionals offer. If you are setting out to find a counselor or therapist but aren't sure what you need to know or ask, check out these frequently asked questions. There are other websites that are geared towards helping you find a therapist; they are here, here, here, here and here. Remember you are looking for someone to provide you a service so it's OK if you have many questions or want to call around to several therapist and even set up several initial consultation sessions so you can decide who is the best fit for you. It can seem like a daunting task, but just take it one step at a time. Spend a little time researching the type of professional you are looking for and searching for those professionals in your area. Formulate a small list of counselors you are interested in from looking at their bio or websites. Call the therapists and speak with them, ask them your questions about availability, fees, insurance, etc. Feel free to ask about their background, specialities, counseling philosophy, etc. Then take some time and decide who you'd want to set up an initial consultation(s). Then once you have the initial session, you'll have a good idea if the therapist is a good fit for you and whether or not you'd like to move forward with them.

Choosing Christ over Feelings

I work with a lot of clients in my counseling practice who are in very difficult situations. Some are grieving, some are broken and hurting, some are suffering. Some have lost loved ones, some are in difficult marriages, some are facing bullying or difficult relationships. Some struggle with self harm, anxiety, depression or anger. Weaved through all the Christian clients I see, as different as their circumstances may be, is a common theme we discuss and work towards: choosing Christ over our irrational feelings. Their feelings may be telling them to hurt their bodies, to leave their spouses, to engage in an extra-marital affair, to escalate to panic, to dwell in depression or to lash out in anger. I talk with my clients about whether they will allow those feelings to make their decisions and to influence their actions or whether they will engage their will, their spirit and the Lord in their actions, behaviors, thoughts and decisions. This is a difficult task for all of us but so important if we are going to live righteous, healthy lives. Our feelings are important; they are part of how we were created. Christ had feelings; He expressed grief, anguish, sadness, joy and happiness. Feelings are not bad! Feelings shouldn't be judged; they are what they are and that is OK. However, when we act solely based on our feelings without incorporating our will, intellect, spirit and rational thought is when we can get into trouble. We must consider Christ and dialogue with our feelings. It begins with acknowledging the feelings and then understanding their role. Accepting the feelings is an important piece; trying to push them away or deny them won't help! Why are the feelings there and what are they needing? Next you engage your will, your rational thinking and determine what those parts of you think (key word - think) about those feelings. Then the feelings and thoughts dialogue together to determine what is the healthiest next step. All the while, I encourage believers to be engaging Scripture and prayer in this entire process. We must slow down. Act, instead of react. Choose to engage Christ, rational thought and your will rather than simply letting emotions take charge and lead the way. Emotions are important and should be payed attention to. There should be other things we pay attention to also, not just our feelings. If this process seems difficult for you, seeking out Christian Counseling can be a great way to gain insight and coping skills that will help you to choose Christ, righteousness and health in your daily life!