Gratitude Improves Mood!

Thanksgiving is this week and is a good reminder to focus on being thankful for all we have! Gratitude helps improve our mood in so many ways. It takes the focus off where we aren't, what we don't have and puts it on where we are and what we do have! This greatly boosts mood and can decrease stress and anxiety too! When all we think about is what we are lacking or where we wish we were, we are dissatisfied with life and sad or angry. But when we shift our focus to the positive things about the place we are and the good things we do have, we have a more healthy perspective and our mood improves. In addition, stress and anxiety often decrease. Try making a list this week of all the things you are thankful for, all the things you do have and the things that are good about the place you are in right now. Be specific, think of small things too! For example, do you have a place to lay down at night that is safe and warm? Some people do not. Do you have clothes to wear and food to eat and a way to get from point A to point B? Many people don't. We tend to take things for granted and we need to remind ourselves that we have quite a bit! The fact that I can walk, talk, see and hear are great blessings that I often take for granted. It's good to get in the habit of being thankful for the things and abilities you do have as well as the opportunities available to you; this helps you get outside of your current situations or problems and remember that there is so much to be grateful for in your life! Happy Thanksgiving!

Teens & Stress

I see quite a bit of teenagers and their families for counseling. One of the biggest issues I see is stress - now it may also be accompanied with anxiety and/or depression, but stress is what a lot of teenagers are experiencing. What I don't often see are teens who know how to effectively handle that stress. So instead they act out, engage in sexual activity, get into drugs or alcohol, cut themselves or harm their bodies in other ways or yell and argue with their parents. What a lot of teens are saying through these actions is "help me, I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do!" Now this isn't the case for every teenager, but many that I see are feeling overwhelmed, under immense pressure from parents or at school, have difficulties in their friendships or romantic relationships. Perhaps they are being picked on or bullied at school and they struggle with low self-esteem. Sometimes what helps is to decrease the amount of activities teens are involved in so there's less stress. Other times they need to hear their parents say they love them and that A's are not the goal but rather trying their best is the aim. Open communication between parents and teens will often times decrease stress in a teens life when done in a healthy, supportive and positive manner. Stress is all around us; we have to know how to manage our stress or how to eliminate stress that can be eliminated. A lot of stress we bring on ourselves; maybe we are over-involved or haven't resolved conflicts with loved ones that need to be resolved. Maybe we aren't engaging in enough positive activities that we enjoy. Increasing positive activities in our life can help decrease stress for some people. We also often engage in irrational thinking patterns and negative self-talk that increase our stress. I work with clients in counseling (teens and adults) to identify their thinking patterns and the way they are talking to themselves. We often uncover unhealthy, irrational thought patterns that lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression. Also, we find a stream of negative self-talk running through clients' minds that is not helping them in any positive way! One way to decrease stress is to examine these things - thought patterns and self-talk - to determine if they are healthy and rational. If not, the next step is to identify a healthy, rational and positive alternative to the negative, irrational thought. It takes some time but the more we speak the rational, positive thought to ourselves, the less stress, anxiety and depression we experience. If your teen is experiencing stress, anxiety or depression, I encourage you to open a dialogue about that. If they are resistant to that, enlisting the help of a counselor can be a great next step!

Raleigh Art in the Park

There are so many great things to do in the Raleigh area! As you can tell, I really like sharing the fun things I find to do in Raleigh with you. I think utilizing all your community has is one great way to stay grounded and healthy! As a counselor I'm always discussing with my clients the benefits of being connected in your community and accessing what your community has to offer. I also encourage the clients I see in counseling who are experiencing depression or stress to get outside and exercise. The fresh air and movement really help to decrease depression and stress. The NC Museum of Art has a great outdoor exhibit that you can visit. You can stroll through the museum's "Art in the Park" leisurely alone or with a friend. You can also kick it up a notch and exercise while you take in the art if you'd like! I have done both and loved the experiences. The art provides some great conversation starters with friends or significant others. My niece and nephew really enjoyed the exhibits too, so this can be a great family outing as well! I have seen families bring bikes, picnics and balls to play and enjoy the park and the art! This fall take some time to get outside and enjoy what your Raleigh community has to offer!

Benefits of Getting Alone

There is relevance in being alone; solitude is important. It's beneficial to be able to be by yourself and be OK. If you are not able to be alone for at least small periods of time and be OK, something is going on. Being alone helps us to know ourselves and grow in comfort with ourselves. Solitude can increase self awareness through reflection on how we are doing, what we like, how we feel, etc. I encourage my clients in counseling to set aside time regularly to be alone. Perhaps it's going to a coffee shop, like Cafe Helios downtown, and journaling. Maybe it's taking a scenic drive or going for a hike (safely) at Umstead State Park. Consider it investing in yourself. Ultimately this helps all aspects of your life: work-life balance, relationships, friendships, even self-esteem. The more we know ourselves, the more we can invest in ourselves, the healthier we can become. In a world full of distractions, it is important to be able to get alone and rest, reflect and sift through all the noise. This way we can determine who we are, what we like, what we need and what is healthy and true. 

Get outside Raleigh!

Depression and stress can leave you wanting to stay inside, crawl in a hole and isolate. You may not "feel" like you want to do anything, but you can choose to do different. And often by choosing the opposite of what you are feeling, you'll begin to feel better. Depression says to you, "stay inside, don't do anything fun, nothing will help, it's hopeless." Stress says, "there's too much, it's all too overwhelming, nothing will help." And thus discouragement sets in. I encourage my clients seeking counseling to get outside; get some good Vitamin D (but wear sunscreen)! :) Choose to be active. Don't let your feelings decide what you will or will not do. Do something new, something fun; get around people. Take some friends, a family member or your significant other and do something outside. This weekend in downtown Raleigh's Moore Square and City Plaza is a great event called Artsplosure. There is art, crafts, music and fun stuff for kids too! Try something new, tap into some creative energy seeing all the fun art and crafts. I hope you'll get outside this weekend Raleigh!

Rest...It's a Beautiful Thing

Living in the fast-paced, bustling society we do, rest is not something that is typically prioritized or valued very highly. Yet it can be quite the antidote to stress and anxiety. Learning how to rest, learning what things are restful for you is a much needed skill and a great tool to decrease stress and anxiety. Perhaps it's reading a book, talking a walk, being outside on a beautiful day, engaging in a hobby or sitting at coffee with a good friend; whatever is restful to you, whatever rejuvenates you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually should be prioritized into your routine. We make time for work, bills and gassing up our cars...rest should be included in the things we must do each week too! Counseling can be a great way to learn how to slow down, re-prioritize, filter through what things are actual necessities and what can go and to learn how to rest. Resting isn't always something we can just sit down and do; sometimes it takes some practice and trial and error to learn what actually "rests" us. If we have become hardened to rest and accustomed to a fast pace, learning to slow down is not easy! Certainly rest will ease the intensity of stress and decrease the anxiety or worry that is present when it is regularly incorporated into daily routine and lifestyle. So try to begin resting, being still; incorporate it in to your routine. I bet you see decrease in the stress and worry you currently experience. And if you attempt resting and it's just not helping, maybe reach out for some counseling to help! 

Change Your Mind

We often don't realize the power of our thoughts. But they are quite powerful. Our thoughts impact our feelings and our feelings often impact our behavior. Typically we get wrapped up in our emotions and let them lead the way. But we have the ability to control our thought life. We don't control automatic thoughts (the initial thought that comes popping into our minds) but we have the ability to control all the thoughts after that. We can tell ourselves rational and positive things that lead to our negative emotions decreasing and lead to an increase in positive feelings. Learning to control your thoughts will greatly impact your feelings and your overall mood. Counseling can be a great tool to teach you ways to become aware of your thoughts and learn ways to control negative thinking and increase positive thinking. A great way to start doing this on your own is to check-in with your thoughts 3 times a day for a week. During this check-in, write down what you are thinking for a few minutes 3 times a day. Then at the end of the week, take a look at your writings. I bet you find themes that you are thinking about or topics that appear frequently and often you'll find yourself to be thinking irrational, negative things. Write down positive alternative thoughts to the negative thoughts and then 3 times a day for the following week, read those. You will likely notice that you will begin to think less of the irrational, negative thoughts and more frequently think of the rational, positive thoughts that you were feeding yourself! Try it and see. For more information on this topic, you can read this article I wrote about anxiety and your thought life.

Priorities

Identifying our priorities is an important step in stress management. It's important to take a look at everything on our plates, all our responsibilities, as well as our desires and interests, and then begin to prioritize. We often set too much on our plates and we are unable to complete it all, there's just not enough time in the day; this leads to increased stress and anxiety. One small and easy step to relieving some stress and anxiety in your life is to cut something out. Not everything we do in our days or weeks is necessary. We can, if we choose, say no to something, delegate something of ours to someone else, or just cut something out all together. But it is a choice. We must decide that it is something we are willing to let go of and be OK with that. A slower pace in life is not a bad thing, it can be refreshing and something to be enjoyed! Take a look at the things on your agenda today and throughout this week or month...is there something you could let go of, say no to, or delegate to someone else so that you are experiencing a less stressful and anxious life? This is often a first step I help my clients assess when beginning our work in counseling. Therapy can be a great tool to learn about your priorities and how to create healthy balance in your life.