Chasing Happiness

I hear so much in daily life (TV, movies, commercials, magazines, blogs, radio, etc) about "being happy". "I just want him/her to be happy." "If I just had (insert object, relationship, career), then I'd be happy." Chasing happiness has become something so central to our American society. I hear it all the time in my counseling office from various clients; teens, couples, families, men, women...they all claim if they could just figure this or that out, have this or that, or get rid of this or that, then they'd be happy. "Really?", I want to say. Really do you think you'd truly be happy then? Do you really think that getting him/her/it will make you happy? Of course, I tend to say those things with a bit more therapeutic tact than that. But my message is the same: do you think that getting what you want will make you happy? If happiness is your goal, will you ever truly find it and be able to maintain that state of happiness? I think not. Getting that relationship, career, object, or getting rid of either of those will not make someone happy. The way I see it, the problem is in the goal. If the goal is happiness found in the hands of other people or things, it will never last. People will disappoint us, there will always be some new object out there we just have to have, jobs are lost and interests shift. When happiness is our driving motivator, we'll always get let down. We'll always be chasing one thing or another or one person or another. As a Christian, happiness is not my goal. My goal is to know and love the Lord, to know and love others. If anything else is my goal, I'll be unfulfilled. If being happy is my goal then I'll be let down constantly. As believers in Jesus, we weren't promised happiness nor were we told that happiness should be what we incessantly strive after. We were actually told the opposite...Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) Wewill have trouble, things won't go our way, we will be let down, disappointed, suffer, hurt, etc. Those disappointments, hurts, sufferings can lead us to intimacy with Jesus and closeness with others. And in those things, there is great joy. Joy is deeper and much more lasting than happiness. Happiness tends to be based on situations and is fleeting. Joy is something that cannot be taken away by loss or change in situation. If you find yourself chasing happiness and ending up sad and disappointed more often than not, I'd encourage you to reassess your goal. Chasing happiness doesn't lead down any lasting path. Counseling can help you do that if you desire!

Raleigh Art in the Park

There are so many great things to do in the Raleigh area! As you can tell, I really like sharing the fun things I find to do in Raleigh with you. I think utilizing all your community has is one great way to stay grounded and healthy! As a counselor I'm always discussing with my clients the benefits of being connected in your community and accessing what your community has to offer. I also encourage the clients I see in counseling who are experiencing depression or stress to get outside and exercise. The fresh air and movement really help to decrease depression and stress. The NC Museum of Art has a great outdoor exhibit that you can visit. You can stroll through the museum's "Art in the Park" leisurely alone or with a friend. You can also kick it up a notch and exercise while you take in the art if you'd like! I have done both and loved the experiences. The art provides some great conversation starters with friends or significant others. My niece and nephew really enjoyed the exhibits too, so this can be a great family outing as well! I have seen families bring bikes, picnics and balls to play and enjoy the park and the art! This fall take some time to get outside and enjoy what your Raleigh community has to offer!

Serve your Community & Boost your Mood

A great way to kick depression, increase self esteem and get involved in your community is through serving. Volunteering in your community can significantly impact your mood for the better and increase self esteem. Getting outside ourselves helps us to realize things for which we can be thankful; it helps us to know we can make a difference. The surprising twist of volunteering is that typically we end up feeling joy in return for helping others! It feels good to get outside ourselves and help. When all we do is stare at our own circumstances, we can feel hopeless. But when we take time to serve others, we see a bigger perspective; life isn't solely about what is in front of our faces. There are great organizations in the Raleigh area that need volunteers. The Raleigh Rescue Mission and the Shepherd's Table Soup Kitchen are just two of these local organizations where you can serve and volunteer. These are great places to serve on your own, with your family or grab a bunch of friends and volunteer! I encourage clients that I see in counseling to get outside themselves every now and then and volunteer! Depression keeps us focused inward on our pain, discouragement and current circumstances. Volunteering helps us to see that life isn't just about what we are experiencing currently; there are others in our community who are also having a difficult time, struggling to make ends meet and needing help. When we can reach out and help others, we feel more connected to our community and also a sense of empowerment that we can make a difference! I encourage you to look for opportunities to serve in your area. If you live in the Raleigh area, consider contacting one of these agencies to volunteer!

Self Harm & Self Mutilation

I often see clients dealing with issues involving self harm or self mutilation. Self mutilation is something that many people- pre-teens, teenagers and even adults, choose as a way to deal with what they are feeling. In my counseling work, I talk with clients about their reasons for turning to self harm as a coping mechanism. I hear all kinds of different things, but often it comes back to pain and not knowing any other way to make the pain go away but to inflict it upon themselves. The client is in pain and doesn't know what to do or how to cope effectively or in a healthy manner and instead turns to self mutilation as a way to make the pain stop or at least lessen. Sadly though, self harm is just a temporary fix for the pain and it often comes back. I believe we were created for relationships. God exists in relationship with Himself, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and He created us for relationship with Him and with others. When we harm ourselves, we are not relating to others. We are only "talking" to ourselves. The pain has no where to go, no way to get better, no shoulder to cry on. Pain needs to be shared, feelings need to be voiced, burdens need to be shouldered- and not just alone. In counseling with clients who use self harm as a coping mechanism, I often encourage them to make a list of healthy, positive alternatives and to remove the items they typically use to harm themselves from their surroundings. We discuss ways to express emotions in healthy ways to others and ways to share feelings with another as openly as possible. If you use self mutilation as a coping skill and realize it's not healthy for you nor is it really making the pain go away, I encourage you to try counseling as a way to help you overcome the struggle and learn that deeper healing is possible for you!

Raleigh Outdoor Movies & Music

Looking for something new to do for a night out to get you out of your same old routine? Movies in the Museum Park at the NC Museum of Art are a great idea for a night out! There are summer Concerts in the Museum Park as well! Whether you are looking for something fun to do with friends, your family or your significant other, finding something new (and fun) to do is not hard in the Raleigh area if you're willing to look around. A great way to beat the blues of depression is to plug into and take advantage of what your community has to offer. Don't get stuck doing the same thing day after day and don't fall prey to the negative self talk that says to "stay at home". The Raleigh area has so much to offer. Grab a friend or significant other and try heading out to one of these upcoming movies or concerts. Or be bold and brave it alone; challenge yourself to be confident as you are - you don't have to take anyone with you, just go! Yes it may be hot and humid, but doesn't it sound fun to watch a movie or listen to music outside with lots of other Raleigh locals!?

Get outside Raleigh!

Depression and stress can leave you wanting to stay inside, crawl in a hole and isolate. You may not "feel" like you want to do anything, but you can choose to do different. And often by choosing the opposite of what you are feeling, you'll begin to feel better. Depression says to you, "stay inside, don't do anything fun, nothing will help, it's hopeless." Stress says, "there's too much, it's all too overwhelming, nothing will help." And thus discouragement sets in. I encourage my clients seeking counseling to get outside; get some good Vitamin D (but wear sunscreen)! :) Choose to be active. Don't let your feelings decide what you will or will not do. Do something new, something fun; get around people. Take some friends, a family member or your significant other and do something outside. This weekend in downtown Raleigh's Moore Square and City Plaza is a great event called Artsplosure. There is art, crafts, music and fun stuff for kids too! Try something new, tap into some creative energy seeing all the fun art and crafts. I hope you'll get outside this weekend Raleigh!

Change Your Mind

We often don't realize the power of our thoughts. But they are quite powerful. Our thoughts impact our feelings and our feelings often impact our behavior. Typically we get wrapped up in our emotions and let them lead the way. But we have the ability to control our thought life. We don't control automatic thoughts (the initial thought that comes popping into our minds) but we have the ability to control all the thoughts after that. We can tell ourselves rational and positive things that lead to our negative emotions decreasing and lead to an increase in positive feelings. Learning to control your thoughts will greatly impact your feelings and your overall mood. Counseling can be a great tool to teach you ways to become aware of your thoughts and learn ways to control negative thinking and increase positive thinking. A great way to start doing this on your own is to check-in with your thoughts 3 times a day for a week. During this check-in, write down what you are thinking for a few minutes 3 times a day. Then at the end of the week, take a look at your writings. I bet you find themes that you are thinking about or topics that appear frequently and often you'll find yourself to be thinking irrational, negative things. Write down positive alternative thoughts to the negative thoughts and then 3 times a day for the following week, read those. You will likely notice that you will begin to think less of the irrational, negative thoughts and more frequently think of the rational, positive thoughts that you were feeding yourself! Try it and see. For more information on this topic, you can read this article I wrote about anxiety and your thought life.

2 Steps to Battling Depression

Depression can leave a person feeling weighed down, hopeless, worthless and unmotivated. When I'm counseling clients who are experiencing depression, we discuss setting not only a daily routine but setting also a few daily goals. Routine is so important to overcoming depression. A healthy sleep schedule, regular balanced meals, time for fun, social interaction and also a little productivity is a great daily routine when working to overcome depression. In my counseling work with clients experiencing depression, we also discuss goal setting. Depression can leave someone feeling worthless and hopeless. Setting and accomplishing goals - no matter how big or small - adds to self worth, confidence and positive motivation. I encourage the clients I counsel to set 3 small goals each day. Some clients prefer to set them the night before and others start with a planning session in the morning when they get up. Writing down a few manageable, achievable goals will help one begin to overcome depression. This, along with a daily routine - getting up and going to bed at around the same time every day, regular mealtimes, time for fun and social activity and time to accomplish goals - will help the depression begin to decrease. You can take small, easy steps to begin fighting your depression and counseling can be a great help to your battle if you wish!