Whitney Johnson

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Teen Friendships

I work with many teenage girls in counseling that are feeling lonely and struggling to make friends. Many aren't happy with their current friend group. Some teenagers are working in therapy to overcome anxiety or low self-worth that keep them from healthy friendships. Others have very strong values and aren't willing to compromise those for the peer pressure they experience and thus they feel rather isolated. Many teen girls I see are in the throws of figuring out who they are, what they like, what they are going to stand for, etc. Adolescence is a time for these pieces of development. Their tasks are to begin figuring out who they are and who they want to become. They explore values and begin to decide what their worldview will become. This is so very hard for teenagers in our world today. It's not a safe world and it's not a well-connected world. Our society is fairly isolated and our teen's culture is all the more isolated. Often teenagers sit in the same room with their peers and text each other rather than engage in face to face communication. So often when they have something "real" to say, it's done through text. Our teens aren't well-equipped for healthy vulnerability or conflict resolution. Adults, are we working to grow these things in ourselves and model it well for our teenagers? Are we teaching them how to share appropriately and honestly? Are we modeling healthy conflict resolution and teaching them the same? Making friends becomes a bit easier when teens are working from a healthy foundation of self-worth, as well as when have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. This can also help to grow their confidence. Counseling can help your teen (and you too parents) learn these healthy skills and become a good friend themselves. Therapy can teach them to be appropriately assertive and set healthy boundaries if this is an area of struggle for them. It's not easy work, but it sets teenagers up so well for their future!