Discipline & Teens
Parenting teens is difficult but discipline doesn't have to be such a stressor. Parents I meet with for counseling are often exhausted, frustrated and feeling like they can't reach their teen. Sometimes the teen is disobedient, rebelling and disrespectful. I work with the parents to create a predictable and consistent discipline plan that is easily enforceable. A necessary first step is to create a list of basic home rules; type them up and go over them with your teen. Make the home rules visible for everyone; the fridge is a great place for this. The teen is made well-aware of the home rules and the discipline plan and I often encourage parents to allow the teen some input into the ideas for both. Having a set plan that everyone knows and has agreed to (parents need to be united in this) makes things in the home go much smoother when there are instances of poor behavior. I encourage parents to come up with a scale of poor choices and coinciding disciplines; a family therapist can help with this if that sounds daunting. Of course we can't anticipate every poor choice our teens will make, but the scale allows parents to see where the poor choice might fall and give a discipline that matches. It's helpful if parents keep this list in easy to find places - the fridge, on their phone, etc. That way when something happens, they can easily find the plan and take the healthy step of discipline. Teens often respond well to this also because it's predictable; they know what to expect and can choose whether or not to obey the home rules. When your teen makes a poor choice, the discipline should be brief and not a fight or conversation. Something like, "Jane, because you chose to talk disrespectfully, you've lost 1 hour of time with your phone. Please hand me your phone." Once parents and teens are familiar with the new strategy, it takes quite a bit of stress off of everyone in the family. If discipline is something you as parents struggle to enforce or if your teen struggles to receive discipline, family counseling can be a great place for help!